Aspiration, Role Models, and where Therapy can help.

From when we are born and go through school, we are encouraged to think about what we want to be. We get told to think of careers or even religious aspirations with goals, such as marriage encouraged. There are times in our life encouraging us to reach certain levels by a measurable point.

Education has set milestones for the socially accepted point to reach things, but we can manage to achieve things at different points achieving qualifications or alternatives, such as when we hit stumbling blocks. Some people go to colleges or universities direct from school, whilst others go later in life or via work or the Open University.

With Employment, some people have a mantra of work to live, and some look at it as live to work. Work is a lot of your time. It can be easier to think of it as a means to an end, or to focus on something that you really enjoy. There can be pressure to earn higher amounts, or to progress with promotions or status within a workplace.

Before I start to go off point, the reason I’m using these examples is to highlight that we have different pressures in life and different expectations. Some of these “standards” are placed by our own desires and some are societal or family expectations. Balancing these pressures with our dreams can be quite hard to manage. Sometimes we seek inspiration from people around us, and sometimes we seek the success of more successful people within society. This can be from role models we develop in our youth, so I wanted think about how we find our role models.

I think we look at role models based on lots of different factors, but I want to consider those who we aspire to be. Is it a savvy entrepreneur or a talented musician/actor. Are we looking for a hero or someone who is just good at something, and sharing it with the world? I think our perspectives tend to change as we get older, and we are less looking for a marvel type caped crusader and more just someone we would like to be more alike.

A hero or a role model can be useful, but we must be mindful of what they could mean to us. Are they helping us motivate and reach a better version of ourselves, or are we trying to replicate their lives with an element of the ‘Green-Eyed Monster’? For instance, I may appreciate Usain Bolt for how fast he can run, but if I'm not a sprinter, I'm never going to be able to strive to be as fast as him. Although, if I am a sprinter, I may aspire to be as fast as Usain Bolt, but I may take inspiration from the adversity Linford Christie overcame and keeping strong with his beliefs. 

I want to share some examples of people I admire but don't feel the need to replicate their successes. Adele has a voice and can sing. Whilst I can't sing, I do appreciate that she can. I also like the fact that she has tried to be herself and maintain that in the public eye whilst having a large amount of privacy, she also takes care of her fans when she performs. I also saw George Ezra with my daughter, and really like how he is open about his anxiety and his lyrics intrigue me. He too is not the typical pop star of today and is comfortable in his skin, just a generally good guy.

I have aims to start some Men’s Well-being groups in the future. I'm always inspired when I watch things like ‘Mortimer and Whitehouse Go Fishing.’ They started out after having health scares, and try to improve their lives by keeping active, trying to eat healthier, but having a friendship behind it that is warming to see.

These are just a few examples of my interests, but in terms of therapy, there is a point to this. Inspiration, desires and dreams can be a double-edged sword - like ‘stress’, we need an element of them to survive and to create happiness or sense of purpose. Unfortunately, sometimes there needs to be an acceptance of being unable to manage our dreams or aspirations. It could be the young sports person who can't recover from an injury, and it is out of their hands. A musician or actor who can't achieve their roles they want to. Sometimes our dreams are manageable and sometimes they are not. I'm always fascinated when sports stars swap sports. It doesn't always go how they hope, but being able to follow a dream and say ‘I tried’ is important too. I have an admiration for people who try and have a go as it is not always easy. I also appreciate those that realise a time has come for them to consider how they can move forward.

Therapy can help to uncover frustrations, to accept and become at peace with goals or dreams that are not going to come true. It is also possible that when we achieve our dreams, it is not what we thought it would be. Sometimes the feeling can leave us empty afterwards. Having the chance to speak openly without judgement can be a useful tool. We think about the people we usually turn to. However, they can have admiration for us, or a belief of what we could or should do. Having a therapeutic space allows us to share the bits that are important - be heard and have only the perspective from your eyes. Speaking and exploring things about yourself is as brave as following your dreams. You may not have the experience you expect. Within that is fear and excitement, shared feelings from your therapist, as they immerse themselves in your process. 

Thank you for taking the time to read.

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Feel free to ask any questions or make any suggestions for future blogs that may be helpful for you to take part in some Therapy in the future.

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